Building a good relationship is one of the hardest things any of us will ever do. Relationships are not like buying a car where the car can be sold if the owner grows tired of it or finds something better. A relationship with another human being is truly bringing two hearts together as one. It has been proven that sex is no mere exchange of body fluids. Sex releases chemicals that bind lovers together and bond them for life. Although, sex is not the main part of a relationship, it does help to know that there is that intense emotional bond within the relationship. Sometimes, the fire dwindles in a relationship. For some people this becomes the end and they move onto the next hot and heavy romance that makes them feel good. This is not a good answer to the problem. People get hurt emotionally and sometimes physically. When a relationship hits a rut don’t give up, instead try these relationship building exercises with your partner.
1. Don’t point fingers
In a relationship, it is rarely ever one person’s fault. Instead of blaming the other person for the problem, think only of the solution. Look to see where the relationship needs to be instead of what it is at this very moment in time. Make goals for the relationship. Start off with small ones. For example, if your partner has a problem with anger and seems to take their frustrations out on you. Do not react. If they start to yell, simply be quiet for a while and let them get it out of their system. As long as they don’t turn physically violent, what is the problem in letting them vent their frustrations?
2. Don’t nit pick
Everyone has faults. It is ok to tell someone how you feel about something as long as your goal is not to pick someone apart by their faults. One piece of advice that is given by parents to their children about relationships is to, “pick your battles.” This is very sound advice. Fighting over every little detail that is annoying about your partner will get you nowhere in the relationship. Instead of tearing your partner down with words, focus on building them up. There is already so much negative in the world. Relationships with people should be full of life affirming positive energy.
3. Don’t compare relationships
Many people want to compare their relationships with that of other couples. They see a couple holding hands and think, “Why don’t we do that anymore?” Every relationship is its own animal. Everyone is different and offers its own set of challenges. Some people put up a front to make people think that their relationship is perfect. A perfect partner for you will not be a perfect person, so the relationship will never be perfect, but when both are striving for the same goal it becomes better than perfect. It becomes real.
4. Listen to your partner
Make time to talk about things that are desired in the relationship. Talk about goals, children, work, and even school. Talking is the easy part, but when your partner is speaking really listen to what they are saying and do not interrupt with what pops into your own head. Do not try to pressure your partner into feeling a certain way about something. We are all individuals and have individual thought.
5. The little things
There are always big lavish gifts we can give our partners for Christmas or their birthday, but the most important things often seem so small. Write a note about how much you love them and put it in their car so they find it before heading to work in the morning. Call them just to say you love them. Sounds corny, but these little things often happen when the person needs them the most.
6. Small spaces
This sounds a little counterproductive, but small spaces improve a relationship. People get into a relationship, get married, and then go buy the biggest house they can. To build a good relationship a small apartment or house will force you to speak to your partner. In a big house two people can put too much space between them and then not talk at all. That is why it is called a starter home. When there is only one bathroom problems get solved.
7. Sex is not a weapon
Holding back sex from your partner because you are mad at them will get you nowhere. Sex is supposed to be a sensual experience between two people in a loving, bonded relationship. Sex is not a sword that can be swung when things don’t go your way.
Relationships are hard and require constant work. People who are in it for the long haul realize this and will fight to keep their relationship strong. It requires a commitment from both parties and love is one thing that is truly worth fighting for. As time goes by those little fights fade and sometimes even become funny stories.